Sweet Child

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Sweet child, 2014.
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Briefs

In off-white stained briefs he scratches himself
out the front of the half-way house
as the girls giggle by, stomachs stacked with shots,
he watches them pull up every windscreen wiper
to the sky, leaving all the cars paused in prayer,
their hoods shining in the dewy early hours
One of the girls squats behind a car
rolling up her tight red dress to pee.
The man picks up a ukulele, hisses
“Excuse me, some people are trying to sleep!”
before humming Thunderstruck and plucking
the only remaining string.

Freudian Friday: Let’s Gingerly Drink to this Affair.

Freudian Friday meets end-o-week drinks.

Let’s make an innocent little gin get dirty. It’s Friday morning and we’ve got the whole day to suffer through before we can get our dranks on. So lets get masochistic and relieve our ennui – by daydreaming cocktail hour because I’m just fucking neurotic like that. So pull up a wobbly wooden stool in some pompous bar surrounded by eclectic hipster knickknacks, overpriced finger food, & that one staff member who always looks like they just hate the living shit out of humanity missed the bus in the rain. Cross your ankles and thoughtfully stroke your facial hair and let’s have one innocent little drink, one might even say that we deserve one because life is cruel and makes us work for a living. So suck this for an ennui remedy – The Dirty Ginger Gimlet.

Dirty (spotty) Ginger Gimlet. It'll cure what ale's ya.
Dirty (spotty) Ginger Gimlet (a young Gin Buck had sordid affair with a sweet little Gin Gimlet). It’ll cure what ale’s ya (I can’t be held responsible for that pun, I’ve been watching a lot of these laydehs lately).

Dirty Ginger Gimlet – you will need:

A highball glass packed with ice.

10-20ml Bickford’s Lime Juice Cordial (depending on how sweet you want it)

10ml Lime Juice

30ml Gin

30ml of Dry Ginger Ale

A dash of White Wine (whatever you have on hand – in my case Sauvignon Blanc)

Optional no it’s not – stay classy motherfuckers: A slice of lime to serve.

Method:

Grab your highball, fill it with ice and let’s build some adultery.

First the Cordial.

Sweet Lady Gimlet.
Sweet Lady Gimlet.

Then the lime juice. Traditionally a Gin gimlet ingredient.

Married young, the union went sour.
Married young, the union went sour.

Then your gin. I use Tanqueray because I’m a gin snob it’s magnificent.

She hit the bottle.
She hit the bottle (look at that gorgeous green – urgh, Tanq baby, I love you).

Then the dry ginger ale. Traditionally the main ingredient in a Gin Buck.

She met a young buck.
She met a young buck.

Then the White Wine (that’s what makes it all so dirty because wine tastes like shit)

and they got all birds and bees.
and they got all birds and bees.

Give it a stir and you’ve got yourself alcohol’s answer to a love child – a Dirty Ginger Gimlet.

akjbdkwdbf
and pop goes the weasel – she’s preggers with a bastard. The horror!

Now that you’ve taken a bunch of pictures of liquids imagined yourself awkwardly drinking at home alone on a Thursday night while you blog about affairs between alcoholic beverages sipping the bastard,

getting drunk home alone on a thursday night.
Adultery never looked so fresh.

you can put shit away/get back to work marvel at its makers.

Add a touch of class to your shitfaced afternoons cocktail hour.
Add a touch of class to your shitfaced afternoons/nights/lunch hour after work drinks.

and imagine yourself hypothetically maybe not having any wine stoppers, causing you to do something impractical classy like make your own out of aluminum foil an appropriate medium.

Nailed it.
Nailed it (mushroom cloud).

Or alternatively you could snap out of your psychosis just in time to learn a bunch of real traditional cocktail recipes (including the traditional Gin Buck and Gin Gimlet) from Monotone Josh and the amazing peeps at About.com